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Post # 1
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Join Date: 22 Jun 2011
Location:  KuwaitPosts: 448 |
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How to Help Your Child Cope Through a Divorce |
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Divorce is shattering on any level. It is often difficult and hugely challenging for everyone involved, be it you or your spouse, but especially your child who is the quiet victim of a broken marriage.
So while you are dealing with conflicting emotions and sorting out your legal battles, keep in mind the turmoil faced by the child whose world is suddenly disrupted and blown apart. Raising children is a formidable task but divorce makes it even tougher. A break up between mom and dad can take a devastating toll on the off springs. It can leave kids feeling insecure, abandoned, uncertain, and confused about what life has in store for them. Children can feel anger at the prospect of losing their lifestyle and resent the endless shuttling between two homes. Audrey Silverman-Foote, a marriage and family therapist in Pleasant Hill, Calif. explains, "For all those years, they've had a family structure and a reality that they could count on. Now, all of a sudden, that ground has been ripped out from under their feet. It can be incredibly distressing." Though you can’t turn the clock back and put everything right, a well thought parenting plan can help minimize the trauma that kids will go through. Here are some tips that can ease the situation for your child and yourself: 1. Reinforce Love Difficult as it may be to break the news about the impending divorce don’t freeze up. Your kids are entitled to know the reason for the split. Explanations should be honest and preferably jointly made by the parents. Rather than embark on a long drawn out reason, pick a simple line like “We can’t get along anymore.†You are no longer husband and wife but you need to remind the kids that you are still mum and dad, and your love for them is not affected by your divorce. 2. Reassuring Attitude When a long-running marriage ends, your children’s life is thrown into disarray which can make them more anxious. Children may blame themselves for their parents’ break-up. Dispel uncertainties and reinforce the fact that the divorce is solely a decision between adults and has nothing to do with them or their behaviour. It is your job to reassure them, assuage fears, clear misunderstandings, and demonstrate your unconditional love. 3. Get Support Divorce is very unsettling, stressful, and complicated. It’s a Herculean task to be both mother and father. Rather than battling it out alone use the support of family and friends. If financially insecure don’t throw away the alimony your spouse might wish to provide simply out of spite. 4. Maintain Discipline Divorce is hard for your child, not to mention you, but it is important to maintain some sort of equanimity or normalcy. While kids are flexible by nature, too many adjustments can be unnerving. Adhering to existing routine for meals, play, work or sleep can set a child’s mind at ease. Resist the temptation of spoiling kids during a divorce by flooding them with gifts and allowing them to break rules. This way you are only addressing your own guilt and not providing a practical solution. Make it a point to praise the good things they do and try not to be too critical if they misbehave. 5. Psychiatric Help Divorce is huge upheaval in your child’s life which can sometimes have adverse consequences. Kids may withdraw into a shell, or become sullen and aggressive. They may feel resentful towards one or the other parent. There are chances that a split between parents can hamper studies. Psychosomatic issues may surface and in some extreme cases kids can turn to substance abuse. If the situation appears grim, it’s time to GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. Therapy can provide a supportive environment to help deal with the anger and pain of separation and divorce. 6. Behave Maturely Though you are going through a dark phase of your life and are emotionally vulnerable, for your child’s sake, behave in a mature manner. Be civil in your interactions with your ex-spouse. It's natural to feel resentful but make sure none of the negative feeling spill over. Also, avoid taking sides, bad mouthing, or being critical of the absent partner. It’s natural to harbour doubts about how to give the right support to your kids through this unsettling time, but with the right approach you can help your kids emerge from the trauma stronger, secure, and more confident. |
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